With all that’s been going on with the world, I think it’s safe to say that there’s been a lot of overwhelm, anxiety and unprocessed feelings coming to the surface.
I’ve been seeing a lot of couples talk about feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with their partner, so I decided to write up this blog to talk about ways to minimize the overwhelm and normalize some of those feelings that are coming up.
To start, I want to address and highlight some of the concerns or issues that are coming up with being quarantined at home with your partner, such as:
Spending too much time together
Differing expectations
Fitting each other into schedule
Managing multiple roles (homemaker, parent, sibling, employee, etc.)
Creating separation (“me” time)
Related: 6 Ways to Argue Effectively
Manage expectations + ways to talk about them
When doing this, go about it from a place of non-judgement and reducing blame. It’s normal to feel overwhelm or not know what the expectation was going into this whole working from home (WFH), quarantine thing.
It’s important to take time to think about and discuss each of your ideal versions of this new adjustment (WFH, staying home together 24/7) and a realistic version of what has been actually happening. Be honest and hear each other out from a loving place.
Create a schedule (include “couple” time)
A schedule is key when WFH and feeling like there’s a separation from all the different roles and hats that are now being worn at the same time. I’m sure before COVID-19 happened, there was time spent as a couple that felt intentional right? (date nights, watching favorite shows together, etc.) Where as now, it feels like because you’re home all day with your partner, the time spent feels overwhelming and all consuming.
A way to “fix” that is to bring back the intentionality to spending time together as a couple. What that means is, be deliberate about how you’re spending your time. Schedule in the time you’re spending working, the time you’re spending exercising, cooking, spending time with your kids, and the time you’re dedicating to being a partner and in full-on couple mode.
The key to enjoying one another during this time of being confined is to remember quality over quantity. Just because you’re spending all this time together, it doesn’t mean it’s quality time that’s bringing intimacy or connection.
Therefore, be deliberate about creating intimacy through date nights (you can still have those!), being deliberate with your love languages, and spending time just talking and sharing with one another. Separate the mundane responsibilities from your intentional couple time.
Understand that you’re tackling multiple roles at the same time
Yes, you’ve always had multiple roles like mommy, wife, sister, daughter, etc. However, the difference with the corona virus having us quarantined at home is that now we’re tackling all those roles, what feels like, AT THE SAME TIME.
Think about how exhausting that is.
Now you’re working and handling meetings, while taking care and being a teacher/tutor to your 2nd grader, while being a home maker and wife to your partner (phew! I’m exhausted just thinking of juggling all of those, let alone doing them on a daily.)
Just because we’re home now more often than before, doesn’t mean that our routine and systems have to go out the window. Talk to your partner about the different roles that you feel pressured to handle and what it would look like to manage them as a team and on a schedule.
It’s ok to tackle different things, at different times of the day (or week) and focus on one thing at a time. It’s impossible to be 4 people at once, give yourself a break and realize that you’re only one person.
Carve out “you” time
Know that it’s absolutely ok to slow down and carve out time to yourself. You’re allowed to take a break and enjoy something just for the joy of it (alone).
We are under this false narrative that we need to get all the things done, all the time and it’s made up pressure that’s in our heads. You’re allowed (and I actually encourage you) to take breaks.
Take time to yourself that’s not couple time or work time to do something that’s just for you. Trust me, you deserve it. Let your partner know when you’re doing this so they know to let you be and take some things off your plate in the meantime (dinner, kids, etc.)
If you’re curious, but want to know more, schedule a free consult and ask me any questions.