The purpose of a check-in is simple - to celebrate what’s going well and discuss areas that need improvement. Doing these regularly helps to maintain your partnership on the same page and minimizes passive aggressive frustration.
It allows you to verbalize and highlight things that are going well and that you’d like to continue. It also provides a safe space for discussing areas and things that need to be improved or you’d like to pay more attention to. Oftentimes, these concerns get addressed during disagreements, which is not ideal for voicing them in a gentle and mindful way. It often means your partner will have a hard time hearing your perspective.
Implementing a check-in routine allows you both to stay on the same page, improve connection and communication, while also addressing key concerns in a mindful and gentle way.
Here are some questions to ask during a relationship check-in:
What are some things recently that have made you feel loved and appreciated?
This question is meant to, not only assess and know what things have been working, but also provides an opportunity to praise your partner. Oftentimes, your partner does things without realizing the impact it’s had on you. So highlighting them in this way gives space to connect as a couple and verbally affirm and praise each other.
Moving forward, would you like to spend more time together or have more space for yourself?
This question serves as an area of reflection for you to check-in and note whether you’ve been satisfied with the time spent as a couple. With the day-to-day, it can become hard to tune-in and know whether we’ve been spending quality time, not only as a couple, but with ourselves too. A reminder that if your partner says they’d like more space, it’s not an attack or rejection on you.
Is there anything on your mind that you’ve wanted to discuss?
A lot of times, we might feel nervous or scared to voice certain concerns, or simply not know how to. It’s important to create a safe space where discussing things that are on your mind can be heard and listened to through a lens of understanding.
What about our relationship makes you really happy?
Again, asking this type of question creates a space of connection and intimacy in talking about things that are working and feeling good. Highlighting and responding to what makes you happy goes beyond a simple thank you, for example, when your partner took out the trash. This deepens their understanding of why it felt special and meant so much to you.
What are your current stresses?
Knowing what’s going on in your partner’s world is important and adds context to the space they’re in mentally. It allows you to know and have more insight to their thinking and at times, why they’re showing up the way they are in the relationship.
When you think of our relationship, how do you feel?
Discussing your feelings about the relationship can feel really comforting to hear and also comforting to voice. Oftentimes, we don’t take a moment to pause and reflect on our feelings and what’s going on internally for us. Therefore, this question is two-fold, it allows you to reflect on your feelings as well as the relationship. Even if some of the feelings are hard to hear and say, saying them during a check-in feels safer than doing so during a disagreement or bottling them in.
How satisfied are you with our sex life?
This is an important one because it allows you both to discuss things you’d like to implement, change or continue. Sex can be a touchy subject at times and normalizing the conversation can be rewarding. It allows for more safety, trust, and openness with each other.
Is there anything you’d like me to do differently to help you feel more connected?
Asking this creates connection already because it allows you both to know it’s ok to do things differently and it helps you both to tune in to what the other person needs and wants moving forward. Again, it allows for introspection for you to reflect on what you want and need.